A Confused Mind & Soul

2009-08-08T17:07:00.002+08:00

Hey...............

Long time no update. Lol. ok, that was a bad sentence. Hmm, So how have u guys been.
I know, I know.. It has been really long that i've lost my lappy and just got a new one. So you can expect me for a while till sep where i go missing again. I am sure for those guys who r taking their 'O' levels this year knows why. Gotta study a lots of things. Not ready even for my prelims sadly. today had tuition and guess wad my tutor gave me a big pile of homework to be done before my next lesson which is tmr. Okies, gtg now and do my homeworks... See you guys ard. Oh, btw, I'll try to edit my blog asap. pls give me sometime.

2009-06-05T20:25:00.001+08:00

Life is not getting any better for me! Firstly I need to say sorry to my classmates. I know how hard is it for you guys to not see me for the lessons during the 1 week lessons but I need you guys to understand something which I’ve been going through for a long time in life. This is very complicated to understand but I can’t explain all the things that I’m going through now! Life has not been any easier for me to digest and move on! I find it really difficult to move on from where I am standing. Things that I have been going through have been really hard on me and maybe it’s just the way that I cannot handle things around. I know that this may not sound convincing enough but the strong Veeknesh who has been fighting in the school is no longer around.

All I know is that once someone who was really close to me had went through the same problems that I am facing now but he didn’t make it through the way that I want to through this. Looking at him is just freaking me up and making me lose my inner most fighting spirit. I just don’t want to end up like him who has just succeeded nothing except losing everyone that he had and had no future. I am going through a real big time stress and I really hope that no one get into the same thing as me. Losing friends, family members, trust that you gained from your loved ones and turning the world against you is not what I want or wish for. I just don’t know what I am going to do after this but all I know is that I don’t have any idea on losing any one of this. If that happens, I am afraid that you might not see me again as what I used to be! I am so sorry that I’ve got things out of hand!

Hope you understand!

Veeknesh

2009-06-01T20:46:00.003+08:00

Hey!

Bad things, let me repeat, Bad things had been happening to me for the past two days. 1st My haircut was screwed! 2nd, My face looks funny! 3rd, My B'day has been bad!

I don mean to blame my friends, they were all busy as usual studying for their MT 'O' lvl paper that they had today! But it was strange that some of "Friends" wished me and my own friends have forgotten abt it! how sad! Its ok, I just hope that they did well for their O's... Tts all matters to them for now. Not some crappy birthday of their friends! hmm... Nothing much to say I guess...

Note for Ai & Iskandar:

Ai: I'll relink u asap :]
Iskandar: Hey dude... Trust me, I am not in the mood to do any questionnaire today! will do it soon :]

2009-05-24T21:44:00.002+08:00

WHAT NOW? What the hell is wrong with this people? Don they understand English or are they just not humans but animals. I can’t take anything more in my life. I’ve lost hope in my class, next? Am I supposed to lose my dad and my future? Why can’t life be much simpler and less complicated? I just wished that I wasn’t in this world needing to face all these problems.

I just can’t understand humans. Are they animals with no feelings? My dad is admitted in the hospital and my mum is yet able to just sit and worry about her gold! My class is never going to change in their life. What is there to lose for them? Nothing! I just wished that they were in my shoes to know what I am going through. I just can’t explain it out. Firstly, I have a family who cares for no one except their own life. Secondly, I have a “good” class friends who are just not allowing anyone to study and think that everyone is so “lucky” as them to get through everything very simply. Thirdly, I am so worried if I would be able to make where I want to go – which is NP (Business school). A damn 10 to 13 points is needed for that. What am I going to do? I don’t know!

I am just going to leave this in God’s hand as he is planning my life! If he is testing me in faith, so be it! I believe him, and I will always. He knows what he is doing!

2009-05-23T09:59:00.002+08:00

Hey guys,
I typed this in my very 1st blog and I think that it is about time to tell eveyone out there something. I hope that reading this would help my classmates :)

what is growing old and growing up?

Many say that growing old and growing up are to be in the same meaning. This is not true. There is a huge difference between “growing old” and “growing up”. What is the difference?

Well, what comes to your mind when someone tells you “you are growing old”? Of course you will be talking about your age. But what will it mean when someone tells you “it’s about time for you grow up”? Some may think it also refers to age, but there is where many make the mistake. Growing up simply means growing more in maturity and growing in understanding life.

Everyone knows what it means when we talk about growing mature, but many do slip out when we are talking about understanding the needs of life. What are the needs in life? Loving, Friendship, Caring for Others, and finally it comes down to the word “I”. Loving basically doesn’t mean getting love but giving love. Regardless on whom he is or what he is, you must give love. Next, friendship, this means a lot but sadly some people do not know the true meaning of it. Friendship is not what you get but giving to others. What do I mean by saying that you should give friendship to others? Giving a helping hand, always being there for others and building others with the power of your love towards them is the true meaning of friendship. Third, caring for others, in what ways would you be able to care for others? You do not need to go beyond anything but simple things like messaging them if they have eaten, have they done their homework, or even how their day was. Think widely, how many of us are like that? None. That is why we human find everything hard to do or even being stressed out for nothing. And finally it comes down to the word “I”… What do I mean about this? All I mean is that you should always try to satisfy yourself lastly. Do not hurt others around you for your happiness alone. If you do so, you would never grow up ever.

I CARE... DO YOU?

2009-05-22T21:19:00.001+08:00

Hi guys,

Today was such a bad day from what I know. I had a good conversation with Mr. Jimmy about how could we improve on the class’s results “ITS MY CLASS”. I had to argue with him to convince him that the teachers are as well in the mistakes as the students in 5A1. I do not disagree when he said that the students are not giving the cooperation and that would be the main reason why the teachers are also not giving in theirs. I had this conversation with him, not to be a extra person, but in the concern that I have for my classmates. Remember guys, I fought for your future. After with so much of talking, we came up with a deal. Well, if the class is able to prove that they would give 100% of effort and full cooperation for the teachers, he would also do his part in making sure that the teachers would work for us. CLASS... Look at the reality, we are failing and why due to the sound would we not want Doherty to be the top scorer for O’s? I know it might not benefit anyone of us but as a class why not give our juniors the confidence that a Sec 5 student also have the ability of being the top scorers. What better still, why not all 3 top scorers? We can do this if everyone cooperates and do it for the sake of having a good future over at Poly. This is the reason why we came to Sec 5 – POLY! Let’s not forget that target in the end of the day. We must make sure that we would do this together. Aren’t you guys sick and tired of hearing the 4 Express students saying that “SEC 5s AREN’T GONNA MAKE IT IN O’s”? Let’s show them that we can be better off than them. We can’t just say we can but prove it. Make it as a history in Singapore all SEMBAWANG SEC SCH SEC 5 students all made it to poly. It would be the best! We have to think about it. Just 3 months more for the big O’s. Aren’t you guys getting worried? It is yet not too late for anything to happen. Change the 4E thoughts and make us to look down at them for once. I’ve been hearing that our class is the worst for O-level students. Is that all we got, proving to the rest of the school of looking down on us? WAKE UP...

After this it is all up to you guys!
Veeknesh (:

2009-05-21T19:50:00.000+08:00

Hi guys,

I just had a huge fight with my “mum”! I just hate her. I came back home and unlike the rest of the students in the world, I went straight to her and told my results. I do understand this is my 1^st time in my secondary school life failing math but it isn’t my fault. She does not know how difficult is to be an ‘O’ level student but I can’t blame her cause she does not even seen an ‘O’ level paper. Yes! My mum is not educated and etc, SO WHAT??? I was so mad. At least I came back and told the truth ok! I wasn’t like some others who are out there not telling their parents their results till they see the report book right. Argh... No wonder many out there loves lies. Cause there is no respect given for telling the truth. I got mad with myself and what still, God! I was so stupid that I spoke bad things, I feel so bad but in my second thought, I don’t. I ended up crying and breaking down. Argh, I just don wanna talk abt this anymore! F*** off assh***s...

THE BIG THREAT OF LIFE.

2009-05-18T23:14:00.002+08:00

I’ve been hearing “What are friends for?” for many times now. Haha, don’t know why? Btw, that’s beside the point why I am here to blog today. I am here today to spill out whatever I have in my mind for some time.

READ THIS – THIS POST IS NOT POSTED TO OFFEND ANYONE.

Few months back I guess, I was saying that I am confused and I do not know what I was up against. Now I manage to figure that out. However, there has always been a disadvantage in every step to success. May be I should say that as obstacles rather than disadvantage. Well I managed to figure it out that in my life, I have been always doing things for others which has been befitting them in one way or another but has not done anything much for me. Let me start off with the problems in my family. Now, my family is going through so much that I’ve been fighting over for my own rights. I mean, I just feel that I’m always not treated well or even treated like as if I am some kind of servant. I am not saying that my roles as a son or a brother are being a burden but I have been overdoing these roles. Every small thing that has been happening in my family is making me feel that I am made use of. Well I may sound selfish and all but I’m kind of sick and tired of doing it for them. “Veeknesh, go down and buy this.” “Veeknesh, go to that shop and buy this” “Veeknesh, go and buy food for all of us”

I just don’t get it, why aren’t my family members are being so “independent”? Simple things that can be done easily but they expect me to do. I mean, I have to do things even when I am tired or worse sick but my sister gets all the priority. Why? She earns. What I have realised in my family is that they are all money minded. Money speaks in my house. No money = No rights, hence no talk. In my personal life, I have not been doing what I want to really do.

Coming to my school life, I am just sick and tired of being a “low class” idiot who have been always losing to friends in studies and given them so much of opportunity of telling me that “I’ve not been studying” or “Wow that is something new that you studied” and all. Although this has been true, but why would friends say such a thing? Are they really my friends? I am just sick of getting lower scores than all my friends for most subjects. This is so sickening.

Last night, I could not sleep well cause my inner self has been asking me so many questions about what I’ve been doing all mu life and these questions are something that have not been answered and I’ve been running away from answering them for a long time. I fell so scared that I might have to face this big threat one day or another.

But all I’ve decided so far is that I don’t need friends for now, as in I don’t want to talk in class. I was afraid of telling this to you guys today but guys I hope that you would understand why I feel this way. Is it wrong to be selfish for once? And what I think is that it’s defiantly not wrong for me to be selfish for what I want and especially right now.

Oh, by the way, please do not, let me repeat, do not give me advise on anything cause I got no time to consider about the advises that you give me. Sorry if I had said something wrong in this post.

Till Next Time,

Veeknesh

Updates again!

2009-05-15T21:38:00.001+08:00

Hi guys...

Well back here for a quick update abt my life. Well many things have been changing and I have been asking myself if I had changed? I was studying for the past few days for my exams? Wow, tts something really new. Well ya, it has been challenging for me coz there has nva been a time tt I studied hard for my exams. '

My exams were however terrible. All I know is that I can kiss gd bye to my math P1 and Sci. These two papers were very difficult! Other than tt, for the 1st time, I did well for my SS and His paper. I felt so happy abt it. For my El, I leave it to God... Hope to pass it so tt at least I will get my L1R4... I would need to fight now wif my parents to get me a tutor, so sad... anyway, I am still happy... Its not the end of world, still have prelims and Os. I’ve learnt tt I would need to start my revision early. And yeah, decided to start this June for my Prelims and Os.

Tts all for now,
bb...

Good Boy for the day! gege...

2009-05-03T18:57:00.003+08:00

Hey guys...

Back to blog abt today. Today I’ve done something new that I’ve have never done for donno how many years of my life. Gege... It should be nothing new to most out there, it is studying! Lol... This is how my day went. I seem to be a very good boy today! Gege... lol...

9 am – woke up

10 am – watched tv

11 am – started to do my homework

1 pm – started to do my physics notes for chapter 20

3 pm – slept

4.25 pm – woke up

4.30 pm – started to do my chemistry notes for chapter 22 [actually was given but rewrote so I can understand better]

7 pm – now typing this post... lol...

7.30 – gonna leave my house to church soon

11.20 pm – come back home

11.40 pm – go on9, chat wif leon awhile and start doing my F&N homework...

Will be back to post again later at donno wad time depending on wad time I finish my F&N homework! Lol... see yea guys later!

I might be posting soon about something like how I used to post last time in my very 1^st blog about life!

bb,

Veeknesh

Updates!!!

2009-04-28T22:30:00.014+08:00

Hey...

Just keeping my blog updated la!
I think this is the 1st time my blog is having a different colour than red! gege... Well didn't go school today due to a damn headach. Hmm, I wanted to just drop by and blog about the practical session tt I had on monday!

These are the pics:

Updates again!

2009-05-02T16:45:00.002+08:00

Hey Hey Hey...

blah,blah,blah... donno wad to write! lol! well woke up today morning and took a shower. There was something that was wrong wif me today but i didn't realize until it started to rain from my nose! lol!
blah,blah,blah... OMG, i've been slacking too much nowadays. I've not studied a thing and wad am i gonna ans MR.RAJ on monday? "tt i nva study at all?" he would kill me... SHIT! this stupid flu is killing me! hope not PIG FLU... lol. wad the crap? How to study? I'm dieing... somebody, anybosy help me! well, now gonna "try to study" hopfully i don sleep on my study table like always! lol
Most likely i will be blogging soon as leon and i have planned to saty up late everyday! lol...

Bye for now!
Veeknesh :]

Updates!!!

2009-05-01T12:42:00.005+08:00

Hey...

I am here to update abt ytd!
Woke up, but i was lazy to go school. But somehow or rather i managed to get my ass out of bed and get ready for school. Went school and blah,blah,blah... gege, lazy to type out all the information. After school met my sisters to go collect my family pic @ IMM. Went to eat at mac wif them then met bro-in-law and headed back home. got ready to go out wif eddie, jw, rey and leon to watch X-men. The movie was very nice and its a MUST WATCH movie! Lol... I took some pics of them but nva upload yet so will upload tmr! But this are the pics that I’ve gotten from the studio for my family pic! (btw, i do know that my English sounds horrible. coz lazy to type in proper sentences!)

LIFE IS SO BORING NOWADAYS!!!

2009-04-25T19:50:00.002+08:00

Ahhhh.... What can I say about my life? It has been so boring for don't know how many days in my life? This is so bad. I don't know what to do nowadays too. I am so confused. Although now I am trying my level best to study, something just comes up and stop me from studying. I think I'll have to stop caring about the things in my life which is not important in life for now. I don wanna attend any of the councillor meeting can or not? I do understand this must be boring for those who are reading my blog now but sorry ppl, but there has not been anything to write abt for so many days and I do understand that my blog is being dead. But please do come by everyday and check for something and please do tag b4 leaving... Haha... I really think that I am talking in very random maner... lol. Nva mind... Ahhh... "So many things to do" - nothing to do la! I am so free nowadays. lol. donno how many times I've repeated that I've nothing to do.

Till the next time,
Veeki the neshy

2009-04-12T17:30:00.001+08:00

ARHHHH!!!
I am god damned stressed up! I am a confused, I want to die. I am so confused with myself... Is there anyone in this world that can help me? I do understand most of you guys are trying your level best to help me out here but I just don’t think that the answers you guys are giving me are not the answers that I am looking for within me! I JUST CANNOT/ DONNOT KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS MYSELF??? Arhh!!! I just feel like crying out all my things but I can’t because I do not know the main problem with me. I don’t know why am I worried for my future, and I don’t know why am I worried for my current life but all I know is that I need to do something about it before it is going to be too late and ending up regretting... Maybe I should visit an IMH doctor to know what is wrong with me... I can’t understand myself and that is really making me go mad... Irritated with myself, I just need someone help to figure out what is wrong with me. Maybe it’s my lifestyle. I just don’t get anything. I am really worried sick of myself. I see many happy and smiling but I don’t know if these people are being what they truly are inside. At least can someone tell me how do you pretend outside as if nothing is happening in your life?

ALL I CAN SAY NOW IS THAT I AM STRESSED!!!!!!!!!!

Hope that I will be alive to post the next time :(
Veeknesh

Thanks Giving Message ☆

2009-04-12T15:25:00.003+08:00

♥ Hey guys

Thank you so much for reading my post and leaving such wounderful comments on my tag board. I really hope that you guys can feel on how much each of ur tag makes me feel. I have being so worried over myself but I finally realised that many of u r really there for me in life :) ♥ u guys :) My post for thanks might be short but I am sure u as my true friend can feel the amount of happiness that I felt that very moment when I read most of ur tag :) Once again thanks lots ☆

Veeknesh ☆

I don understand it!

2009-04-11T15:59:00.001+08:00

Hi guys,

Today I am going to post something that has been disturbing me for a long time and I am still not out of it yet. My life is becoming very complicated and I don’t know why I just feel the same. Many bad things are happening around me. Although I am aware of what is happening in my life but yet I am very helpless and feeling lonely. I do not disagree that I am not physically alone but I just feel that regardless of having so many friends around me, I just don’t feel the bond within us. I am not able to talk to them with my heart wide open... I don’t know where I am going to stand soon but all I know that is I am going to end up not doing what I want to. Something is really wrong with me but sadly, I can’t figure it out. I just hope that I will be ok and do the things that I want to do before my upcoming Mid-Year Examinations. Feeling very scared!
I do understand that I sound very depressed and this post doesn’t sound good for a head start of my new blog but I just changed my blog due to some reasons and this is one of them... “I want my blog to be filled with myself than others!”

Till My Next Post,
Veeknesh